iWant Sam Back
by MyPassionateMusician2
Summary: "I came to a conclusion: I was still in love with Sam Puckett." Freddie wants Sam back, but she's dating someone and so is he. And she could never feel the same way, right?
1. Chapter 1: iStill Love You

Okay guys. This is my SECOND iCarly Fanfiction and my FIRST iCarly fanfiction with chapters. Now, it might take some time for me to upload. Keep in mind I'm going to college, I have an 18 month old son, and a 45-50 hours a week job. So I'm very busy but I'm upload chapters as fast as I can. I already have about two written and it's kinda hard for me to write this fanfiction because it's hard for me to keep them in character...so if you read and you're like "sam would NOT say/do that"...then I apologize...but I'll try my best. Anyways, I hope you like it. This is the first chapter. PLEASE REVIEW!

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: iStill Love You<strong>

"So, in conclusion…" Carly started out as iCarly was wrapping up.

"I _can_ put my whole foot in my mouth," Sam said to the camera with a goofy smile. "Thanks for watching…"

"iCarly!" They both said at the same time.

I smiled and turned the camera off. "And we're clear," I said as I set the camera back on its tripod.

It has been six months since Sam and I had broken up and everything went back to normal I got a girlfriend named Allie, Sam got a boyfriend named Hunter. Even Carly had a boyfriend, Frankie, Everything was great. Of course, both Sam and I could not deny that there was still some weird tension between the two us but whenever we both felt it, and made eye contact; we went on with our normal routine; pretending to hate each other.

Carly made her way downstairs saying she wanted to go check up on Spencer's sculpture, leaving Sam and I upstairs alone. "Nice work Fredward," Sam said taking a sip of her water bottle.

"Really?" I asked surprised by the compliment. "Well, thanks."

"Anything to keep you _behind_ the camera," Sam said and made her way down the stairs also.

Once Sam was out of earshot, I laughed at her comment. Of course, when she was in the room, I scolded her. I hated to admit it, but I still had some feelings for Sam. It was hard to get over someone like her. Sam was beautiful, smart, independent, and I didn't mind that Sam wasn't the girly type. She was just so different from anyone that I had ever met, and I loved that about her.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and took me out of my trance. I looked at the caller ID and smiled. "Hey Allie," I answered walking downstairs to catch up with the girls and Spencer.

"Hey Freddie," Allie said sweetly on the other end. "Watcha doing?" She asked curiously.

"Nothing, honey," I said simply. "Just got done with iCarly and now we're just hanging out."

Allie was such a sweet girl. She was always nice, and always happy to see everyone. She was pretty too; long brown hair with hazel eyes. And I was always into brunettes, except for that one time of course. I shook his head. How wrong was it that I would think about Sam while I was talking to my girlfriend? I felt like I should've apologized to Allie. I scoffed at myself. That would be easy to explain.

I finally caught up to them while the two best friends were sitting down on the couch watching some T.V. "Ok, then, I'll talk to you later," Freddie said ending his conversation and putting his Pear-phone back in his pocket.

I sat down next to Carly and grabbed a spaghetti taco that was on the coffee table. Sam, with her mouth full of food, asked, "Was that Allie?"

I looked at with a disgusted face while she shoved the rest of the taco in her mouth. "Sam, chew your food first, please," Carly said. "One day you're going to choke and I won't feel like doing CPR."

I laughed. Sam just looked at me with a blank expression. The next thing I knew, her shoe went flying at me. "Whoa!" I yelled as I ducked. "Sam?"

"You never answered my question, nub," She said insultingly. Though my heart strings did tug a little, because I saw she wanted to laugh at herself. I wish she had because I love her laugh.

Sam looked at me and I was completely lost. I couldn't even remember what had just happened. Everything around me felt like it was slowly fading away leaving only me and Sam. I stared back at her, and I wish at that moment I could read her mind. She was so good at hiding every emotion, that even after all these years, I still couldn't guess at what she was thinking or feeling.

I had forgotten that we were both in Carly's apartment. I forgot that we were both dating someone. I forgot that we had even broken up. All I could even think about was how much I wanted her at that moment. And also at that time, I came to a conclusion: I was still in love with Sam Puckett.

I had been trying to deny this since I have been going out with Allie. Sure I still had some feelings for the girl. That was natural. But I actually thought I was over this egotistical, insulting, psycho girl. Yet, here I was, lost in her beautiful eyes. I couldn't get enough. I know a lot of guys probably say this, but I could look into her eyes all day. I wanted to run up to her, kiss her, and tell her how much I was still in love with her, and how much I just wanted to be with her. Then she broke eye contact with me, biting her lip.

I took a sigh of relief. I knew if she didn't break eye contact I wouldn't have been able to help myself. But now, because of that, I was in a big dilemma. I was still in love with Sam Puckett. Well, that would be a great conversation over dinner with Allie tomorrow.

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><p>I know short chapter. They will get longer further into the story though. Hope you enjoyed...and just fore warning all of you awesome ppl...i LOVE cliffhangers. hehe! PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: iAm A Little Not Over You

Okaii, guys, kinda disappointed I only got one review. But hopefully this chapter is better and I get more. Again, I am so sorry if they are OOC, but I am trying my best! =] Luckily today was my day off, so I have the thrid chapter half-way written already. Anways...ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, or Crush by David Archuleta

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: iAm A Little Not Over You<strong>

I walked into school Monday morning, already in my own little world. The realization that came to me Saturday night was giving me a headache. I was trying to get my head around the fact that I was still in love Sam, but I also had an amazing girlfriend who I was falling for also. Not only that, but Sam has Hunter. Man, do I hate that guy. I never really had an actual reason. I just always got this weird vibe from him. I told Carly about it and she said I still had feelings for Sam. I denied it up and down. Great, couldn't wait to hear her say "I told you so". I was still racking at my brain trying to think of some way that I could just forget that ever happened and go back to the way the things were before. Of course, there were still some feelings there, but it was bearable.

Now, all I keep thinking about is how much I miss Sam. I keep thinking of different plans to get her back. I was on my way to Carly's locker hoping to God that Sam wasn't there so I could talk to her about this. But she _was_ there…with hunter…making out in front of her locker.

I had to contain my face of disgust. I couldn't believe how jealous I was being. I was perfectly fine whenever I saw them kiss before. But now, it was like a train hitting me, but I could see all my guts flying out of me. It hurt really bad, and grossed me out all at the same time. I was about to walk over there and interrupt them when Allie skipped down the stairs and kissed my cheek. "Hey stranger," she greeted. "You didn't call back last night. Everything ok?"

I looked at her, wanting to tell the truth. Lying has never been one of my strong suits. I smiled and kissed her softly. "Everything is wonderful now that you're here," I said loud enough so the kissing fools a couple feet from us could hear. "I just fell asleep watching T.V. I'm sorry."

Allie rolled her eyes playfully. "Well, I guess I can forgive you this time," she said.

Again, I say, this girl is amazing. She's so sweet and caring. Then I looked at Sam—who had finally taken a break to breathe and talk—and couldn't figure out for the life of me, why my heart was choosing her over Allie. Sam was obnoxious, disgusting, disrespectful, and plain out mean. Yet, I loved her with all my heart. I scolded myself. I was holding hands with my girlfriend, while I was thinking about another girl. I'm the worst boyfriend ever.

Allie told me she would meet me at lunch, kissed me, and went out her way. As I was walking up to Hunter and Sam, I heard them saying their goodbyes too. "I love you," I heard Hunter say.

My ears perked up and waited to see if Sam said it back. She smiled and then just kissed him. "I'll see you later," Sam said and then Hunter left, not even noticing that Sam didn't say it back purposely.

I walked up her and looked at Hunter's disappearing figure. This was the type you would expect to see around Sam. Hunter had that shaggy blonde hair, a motorcycle, and leather jackets. No tattoos so far, but that will probably happen in the near future. I don't even believe if this guy's a senior sometimes. He looks way too old for her.

Sam finally saw me and smiled. "Hey Freddie, what's going on?" She asked casually stuffing her books in her locker.

Again, I'm not a good liar, and Sam is the one that knows me best, as much as I hate to admit it. So, if I slip, she would catch me in a lie right away. I shrugged my shoulders. "You know you haven't been insulting me since Saturday," I pointed out. "And you actually called me Freddie today."

That was very true. For the past couple of days, Sam has been surprisingly pleasant sometimes. I was hoping it was because she was still in love with me, and just had a huge smack in the face like I did. She took out her phone and looked through it. Then she finally found something and she showed it to me. It was a text from Hunter:

"_Try to be nicer to people, for a change. Bet you can't be nice to Freddie for two days."_

"Oh," I said trying not to sound disappointed.

"Yep," she said putting her phone back in her pocket. "You know me, can't pass up a bet. Of course, today is the last day, and I have two days of insults to catch up on. So just be prepared tomorrow."

I laughed. "I'm always prepared," I winked at her.

She laughed and it wasn't just any laugh. It's the laugh I hadn't heard since me and her had broken up. It was that genuine laughter that made her smile. Oh, my god, that smile of hers. She could light up a whole room. She just looked so beautiful. There I was again; completely lost in her sky blue eyes. I kept trying to keep Allie in my head, but whenever I was around Sam, she just got pushed to the back of my mind. I couldn't help myself. I leaned in, wanting to kiss her.

As I leaned in slowly, I was waiting for her to tell me stop, or to lean back. But she didn't move. My heart was beating so quickly, I thought I might have a heart attack. She seemed confused but she knew what was going on. She had to have known what I was trying to do. I was almost there, with her eyes watching me slowly; nervously. Once our noses touched, I felt a spark, and also a hand on my back. "Hey guys!" Carly chimed in coming up from behind me.

I turned around quickly, trying to pretend I didn't just almost kiss my ex-girlfriend. "Hey, Carls," Sam greeted from behind me. "Where's Frankie?"

Frankie and Carly have been attached to the hip for the past couple of months they have been going out. So it was weird to see her without Frankie by her side.

"He's sick today," Carly stated sadly. "So what's going on? Having a staring contest or something?"

I gave her a strange look. "What are you talking about?" I asked her.

"You guys were just super close to each other, and it looked like a staring contest," she said casually.

I glanced back at Sam. Her face was emotionless. Again, these are the times I wish I could read her mind. That made me question if she actually knew I that I almost kissed her. "Uh, yeah, staring contest," I lied. "She won."

"Mama always wins," Sam said. "C'mon, Carly, we got to get to class."

She grabbed Carly's hand and started walking to the stairs. I sighed heavily when they were out of sight, and rested my forehead against one of the lockers. Grunting in frustration, I banged my head. Why did she have to be so pretty, so amazing, so…Sam? I'm not that kind of guy that would cheat on anyone, and I almost did. I didn't even care about Allie or Hunter (though I never did care for him in the first place). All I could think about was her lips pressed against mine.

My problem wasn't so much that I was still in love with her and she had a boyfriend. I was still in love with her, and I had a girlfriend. And I know for a fact that I am falling in love with Allie too. I let myself for the past six months not to think of Sam like that, push those feelings away, and open up to Allie. Now, I can't think of Sam any other way.

o0o0o

I was sitting in my living room with my iPear listening to a song and singing along with it. It was hard to listen to any songs though. It was that moment where every single song made you think about that one person. "Has it ever crossed your mind, when we're hanging; spending time girl," I sang softly. "Are we just friends, is there more? Is there more?"

What was wrong with my heart? I didn't know it was actual possible to love more than one person at a time. I thought those were just excuses people made up. I had never been so conflicted in my life.

I looked down and pressed pause. I looked for another song so I could get a certain blonde out of my mind; even if it was only going to be temporary. I scrolled through the screen and found me and Allie's song. It was Next 2 You by Chris Brown. I smiled as I heard the lyrics. I really was falling for Allie. She was almost perfect. I had made up my mind. I was going to forget about Sam, and go with Allie. It was a losing battle anyway. We were both just so different and like she said that night on the elevator— we just don't click that way. The sad truth is, sometimes love just isn't enough.

o0o0o

"Ok, what is the worst date you've ever been on?" I asked over dinner with Allie. We were eating the amazing Pini's lasagna. Surprisingly, I didn't think about Sam the whole time. I think my idea to just push those feelings away worked. Not only that, but I had a gorgeous girl in front of me who was a perfect match for me.

Allie put her finger to her chin thinking. Her hair was in curls that cascaded over her shoulders so elegantly. I smiled thinking about how lucky I was to have her, and how stupid I was to even think that I wanted Sam back. "Ok," she started, "The worst date I have ever been on was when this guy named Carl from my culinary arts class invited me to dinner at his place. He said he wanted a home cooked dinner with someone very special. So I'm knocking on the door excited because this guy is super awesome, you know?"

"Uh huh," I said genuinely interested. "So what happened?"

"Well, he opened the door, and when I walked him I saw his _boyfriend_ sitting at the dining table."

"What?" I laughed.

She laughed along with me. "Yeah, this guy wanted me to cook dinner for him and his boyfriend."

"Wow that must've sucked."

"Actually it wasn't that bad. I got paid for it and it made the night special for them." She shrugged.

I told you this girl was awesome. I have been such a jerk these past few days; although she didn't know that. But never again will I ever have to worry about choosing between Allie Jenkins and Sam Puckett.

o0o0o

I was walking upstairs of Carly's apartment to the web studio. We had an iCarly rehearsal today and I had to check the cameras and microphones before we got started. I walked in and stopped in my tracks seeing Sam facing the monitor. I wouldn't of believed it if I hadn't saw it. Samantha Puckett was doing karaoke. I silently shut the door behind me and got my phone out.

Pressing the video camera button I recorded Sam, just in case I ever needed it for blackmail or payback. But then I heard her voice and my jaw just dropped.

"My mama told me when I was young, we were all born superstars," she sang like an angel. "She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir."

I have never in my life heard this girl sing. I had no idea she had this talent. Her voice was amazing and…breathtaking!

"I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby. I was born this way!"

She turned around and stopped when she saw me. At first she was just in shock and we just stared at each other. Then she realized something; my phone. "You recorded me!" She shouted at me.

"Oh, um…" I trailed off.

"Benson," she growled.

That was when I started running. I heard her catching up to me fast down the stairs. I rounded the couch but she finally caught up to me. She grabbed me by the legs and pulled up. My back and head banged on the wooden floor of the apartment. OUCH! I saw Sam look up towards the kitchen. "He was…" Sam started.

"I don't wanna know," Carly interrupted. "I'll just go get the ice."

I stayed on the floor in pain waiting for Carly to get the ice for me. Sam sneered at me and went into the kitchen. "Aw, man," I said.

"That's what you get for sneaking up on me," Sam said.

The only problem was that wasn't why I said that. I just realized something. I have been lying to myself. I am totally not over her. "Oh, no," I said covering my face.

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><p>PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE REVIEW! even if you hate it..i dnt care...kay well there's chapter 2! Chapter 3 will probably be up Weds. All depends on work. Cya!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3: iBreak Up

I swear pisses me off sometimes. This is the 5th time I am trying to upload this chapter...so hopefully this time it works. Please review and say nice things!

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: iBreak Up<strong>

"Come on, Freddie," I told myself. "You have to do it. It's only fair."

I was standing in front of Allie's front door. After a long sleepless night, I finally told me that I had to break up with Allie. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would always feel this way about Sam, and I wanted to be with her. It wouldn't be fair to just lead Allie on. Don't get me wrong. I really was falling for her, but it just wasn't strong enough to break the grip that Sam had on my heart.

My hands were shaking. I lifted my fist to knock, and then put it down, sighing in defeat. This was so hard. I didn't want to break her heart, and I didn't want to lose her. I was so conflicted that my heart was pounding a mile a second and my brain couldn't form words or thoughts anymore. I walked away from the door and made my way down the driveway. There was no way I could break up with her. Then I stopped myself again. I had to do it.

I sprinted back and knocked on the door before I could talk myself out of it again. After about a minute Allie's mom opened the door. "Oh, hello, Freddie," Mrs. Jenkins greeted.

"Hey, Mrs. Jenkins," I said. "Can I come in and see Allie for a minute?"

She nodded and invited me in. I ran upstairs to Allie's bedroom and found her on the bed reading the book I lent her; Animal Farm. At first she didn't notice I was there. I stared at her for a couple a minutes smiling. She really was gorgeous. I knocked on the door frame. She looked up and smiled at me. "Hey babe," she said. "This is a nice surprise."

I walked up to her and kissed her before sitting down on the bed in front of her. "Hey," I said. "Do like the book so far?"

She nodded. "So far I do. Though it kind of reminds me of government conspiracy," she laughed.

I smiled and nodded also. I looked down at the book, searching my head for the right words. Allie gave me a concerned look. "Hey are you ok?" She asked. "You look so…sad."

I sighed and kissed her one more time. "Allie, you are such an amazing girl," I said. "I love everything about you. But…I'm sorry. I can't be with you anymore. It's not you, it's me. I know that's so cliché but it's the truth. It has nothing to do with you. I am very lucky to be with you. There are just some things I have to sort out first."

Allie looked down sadly. I wanted to beat myself up for hurting her and myself. I caressed her cheek and she finally looked up smiling sadly. "It's Sam, isn't it?" She asked.

I pulled my hand away in shock. What was she talking about? How did she know it was about Sam? I was trying to think of a different excuse but I couldn't "Freddie, it's ok," she assured me. "I was already prepared for this. I mean it sucks, but I knew it was coming."

"How?" I said not be able to think of anything else to say.

She smiled again. "I've seen the way you look at her. It's obvious you still having feelings for her. I also know that you're the type a guy that wouldn't be with a girl unless she could have all of you."

I hugged her tightly. I never expected this reaction but I was so happy she understood. I kissed her cheek. "Thank you, and I'm so sorry."

She shook her head. "There's no reason to be. You can't help how you feel."

"Well maybe, if I do sort things out, we can get back together later in the future?"

"To be honest Freddie, the only way I see you figuring this out, is to get Sam back. Being in love with someone isn't something that just goes away, trust me."

I moved up in the bed to sit next to her. I knew she was right. The only way I would be happy again is if Sam was my girlfriend again. But I didn't see that happening. She was with Hunter. This guy was tall, tough, and a "manly man" as Carly always said. I was just a nub with a calculator. Compared to him, I'm nothing. I would never be able to impress Sam enough to get her back. That just made me even more depressed. I rested my chin on hand. "Freddie," Allie said putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I asked looked at her.

"The only way that you can actually be sure if she feels the same or not, is to tell her how you feel," she said.

I knew she was right. "Easier said than done," I mumbled.

"True," she agreed. "I'm not saying the next day or anything. Give it some time, and show her that you really care about her. Then, when the time is right, tell her."

"And when would that be?"

"Well, as cliché as _this _sounds, when the time is right, you'll know."

I was walking home thinking to myself about what Allie said. I guess she was right. I should just focus on showing her how much I do care for her and being a good friend until the time is right. But I wasn't sure if I could do that. I was never one to keep my feelings hidden from anybody; especially a best friend. Then again, I didn't know if I actually wanted to wait. Maybe I should just tell her next time I see her. Grab her in my arms and tell her that I never want to let go. I laughed at myself. Yeah, like I could ever do that. She'd probably punch me in the face or kick me in the shin.

I finally made it to Carly's apartment and knocked on the door. Carly came to the door and gave me a confused look. "Why did you knock?" Carly asked. Before I could answer she formed a look of concern. "Are you ok?"

I looked up at her and sighed. "Allie and I broke up," I said sadly. I really was sad that we broke up.

"You broke up?" Carly asked surprised.

I nodded. "Can I come in?"

I walked in and saw Sam on the couch eating a ham sandwich. I sat down on the chair and put my face into my hands. "Freddie, I'm so sorry," Carly comforted.

"What happened?" Sam asked putting down her sandwich. She actually looked concern.

Carly turned to her and said, "Freddie and Allie broke up."

Sam looked shocked too. I know everyone at school would be too. We were pretty much the perfect couple; all except for the fact that I was already in love with a wonderful girl. Sam got up and walked over to us. "Why did you two break up?" Sam asked.

I looked up at her. I wanted to say because I was in love with you and I want you back. But I couldn't. Allie said I would know the right time, and I definitely knew this wasn't it. I just sighed again and laid back on the chair. I shrugged. "I just…wasn't feeling it anymore," I said.

"Wait, you broke up with her?" Sam asked. I nodded. "Now that's definitely a shock. I thought for sure she would come to her senses and…"

"Sam," Carly warned. "This really isn't the time."

Sam looked down at me. "Sorry, Freddie," she said sounding truly sincere.

"It's cool," I said. I sat there for a minute just thinking of everything running through my mind. I suddenly just didn't want to be there. I wanted to be left alone to see if I could sort anything out. "You know what, I think I'm just going to go home."

"C'mon Freddie, I said I'm sorry," Sam said.

"No it's not you," I said truthfully. "I just need to sort things out. I'll see you guys tomorrow for rehearsal."

I was sitting out on the fire escape just staring at the stars. What Allie said was true. I needed to be Sam's friend. I just didn't know if I could do that. It had to be more. My heart wasn't ready to accept that. I needed Sam to be mine. It killed me that I knew she didn't feel the same; that she had someone else. I missed being the person she called "baby". I missed holding her and playing with her hair while she fell asleep on my shoulder. I missed being able to look into her eyes and knowing I could kiss her. I missed _her_. I had never felt like this, even with Carly. My feelings were never this strong, and I couldn't keep ignoring them.

Maybe I had to take a break from Sam for a little while. That way, I could try to think this through. I just needed to know exactly what to do. I was so lost and so confused, I felt like running away. I stood up and leaned on the rail looking down at the cars and people. I shook my head and grunted. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't just hide my feelings from Sam, but I couldn't express them either. I was stuck in limbo. What if that "right time" Allie was talking about never came? Is there a right time to tell someone that you're in love with them?

I wish there was a way I could tell exactly what Sam was thinking and/or feeling. But she was the kind of person that the only way you would know, is if she told you. I wasn't about to ask her either. What was I going to say? "Hey, just wondering, are you still in love with me?" Yeah. That wouldn't be an awkward conversation. Half of me was saying I should stay away. The other half was screaming at me to just grab her and kiss her next time I saw her. I couldn't do either. It was like I was being pulled in two directions and I was about to just tear apart. I took a deep sigh still looking down at the ground. There had to be somebody that knew exactly what to do in this situation. I had to stop thinking or my mind was going to explode.

I heard a knock and turned around. It was Sam. I mentally cursed thinking that this wasn't going to help any. The two of us, alone on the fire escape, where we shared our first kiss. I motioned for her to come on out and she did. The moonlight shined in her hair so magically, I had to keep myself from staring. I turned around and leaned my back against the railing as she sat down on the chair that I had put out here. "Look, I'm really sorry about what I said earlier," she apologized.

I smiled slightly. "It's ok, Sam," I assured her.

She shook her head like she was disappointed in herself. "I am surprised you two did break up though," she admitted. "I thought you guys were a perfect match."

I shrugged. "Sometimes you're perfect match isn't always who you think," I said.

I went to the corner of the fire escape and unfolded another chair I kept out there. I sat down next to her and looked up at the stars again. I didn't know exactly what to say. I didn't know if I could say anything without blurting out what I wanted so bad to say. It was tearing me apart inside. I was able to keep my mouth shut though; at least for now. We both stayed silent for a couple of minutes. Everything was running through my mind so fast, that I said something I didn't mean to say. "Do you ever think about us?" I asked.

I immediately realized what I said and wished I could take it back. What I wouldn't give for a time machine right now. Sam looked at me a little perplexed. "What do you mean by us?" She asked. "Like our relationship?"

I guess there was now turning back. I nodded. She shrugged. "I don't know," she said. "Sometimes I guess. I mean, you were my first love."

I smiled at her. "I was?" I asked surprised. "Funny, you were mine too."

"What about Carly?"

"That was just a high school crush. I was too young to know what love was at that time anyway." I faced away from her trying to contain myself. "So…what exactly do you think about?"

She lifted her feet so they could rest on the railing and looked at me. "I don't know," she shrugged. "I think about how Hunter and I are, and wondering why we were never that way. I guess we weren't the perfect match either. We were pretty much polar opposites."

I leaned in closer to her. "Even though we fight all the time, Hunter is a very lucky man," I said. "I hope he knows it too."

"Thank Freddie," she said, sounding surprised by the compliment.

Some of her hair had fallen in her face. Tentatively, I tucked it back behind her ear. I didn't pull my hand away. I started to slowly caress her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes.

"W-what are you doing?" She stuttered.

I didn't say anything. I just started to lean in closer. I wanted so badly to kiss her. That's all I wanted to do. I could feel her shiver, but I didn't know if it was because of the wind or because of what I was about to do. At that moment I didn't care. I needed to tell her exactly what I wanted to. She didn't move. It was like she was frozen. I got closer and closer, and I swear I could hear both of our hearts beating. I put my hand behind her neck so I could get her closer to me. I was so close. I was almost there, and she wasn't stopping me.

But then Allie's voice rang through my head. _"Well, as cliché as _this _sounds, when the time is right, you'll know." _I lifted my lips up and kissed her forehead instead. It wasn't the right time. Allie was right. I would know. "Thank you," I said. "For coming out here."

"Yeah, no problem," she whispered. "But don't get used to it. Tomorrow I'm going to go back to beating you up, calling you names, and putting dead fishes in your locker. You're just lucky you were sad tonight about that break up."

I chuckled. "Don't lie, Sam," I said. "You still love me."

"You wish," she laughed and headed back in.

"You have no idea," I whispered once she was gone.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed it! And just to let ya'll know..it was SO hard for me to not let them kiss. I had a whole kissing scene in my head when I was writing this and I had to force myself not to write it. lol. PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4: iAm Done

Thank you so much for the reviews! they keep me going! Don't have much time. Been working overtime out the...behind...but i finally got my promotion! yay me! Okaii, ya'll chapter 4!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: iAm Done<strong>

I was getting dressed to go do iCarly that night. Ever since that talk with Allie, and that close call with Sam on the fire escape, I've been doing things a little differently. Sam and I still fought as usual, but I've been a lot nicer about it. Instead of actually fighting and saying that we hated each other, I would act like it was all just a joke and make fun of our arguments. Kind of like when two best friends pretend they are arguing. Today, I am going to be bringing some Fat Cakes for her just to show her that I care.

Carly has been asking me some questions about my behavior lately. She's been noticing it a lot more than Sam has which is a little disappointing. Then again, Sam has been know to miss obvious things. I kept thinking in my head, that if I would've actually kissed her, what would've happened? What would she have said?

I looked through my closet trying to find a shirt. I have been wearing stripes a lot lately, but I know Sam hates stripes so I started looking through my drawers. I found a plain navy collar shirt and put that on before walking out of the apartment and going into the one across the hall. Without even knocking on the door I walked in. I looked around to see if anyone was home. I saw Carly in the kitchen eating her favorite snack—carrot with whipped cream. There are some things I will just never understand about that girl. She smiled through a mouth full a carrot when she saw me walking towards her.

I was actually glad she was alone for now. I have wanted to talk to her about Sam for the past three weeks but Sam and Frankie were always with her. Of course I wasn't sure how she was going to take it either. But Carly was my best friend, and even though Allie was too, I knew it hurt her when I asked for her advice. So I was going to try a different route. "Hey Freddie," Carly said.

"Hey Carly," I greeted. "Is anyone else here?"

"Spencer is on a date, Sam will probably late as always, and Gibby is still in Ohio visiting his grandparents," she answered.

I grabbed her hand and took her to the couch with me. "Good," I said. I motioned for her to sit down. "There has been something I've been meaning to talk to you about. It's really important so hear me out, ok?" Carly nodded. I took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with Sam."

I couldn't believe I just blurted it out like that without even stuttering. Carly's eyes almost popped out of her head. "You're in love with Sam?" She asked in surprised. Then she smiled. "I knew it! That's why you've been so nice to her, because you still love her!"

I nodded in agreement. "That's also why I broke up with Allie," I admitted.

"Well, then, what are you going to do?" She asked. "Are you going to try to go back out with her again?"

"I'd love to, but she's with Hunter," I said bitterly. "They seem so happy together, and I don't want to ruin that for her. Besides, she hasn't shown any sign of her feeling the same."

"But that's Sam. She doesn't show any emotion…except hate and anger."

I grunted in frustration. "I know I just wish I had some kind of sign. I honestly have no idea what to do. Allie said that I should tell her how I feel but not until it feels right. But I don't know if I can wait that long. I've almost kissed her twice already."

"You've almost what?" Carly asked all excited. She seemed so happy about this.

"One time at school and another time on the fire escape when Allie and I broke up," I said. "Carly, I need your help. You need to talk to Sam. Find out how she feels about me."

Carly was about to say something but then Sam walked in. "Hey Carls" she said with a smile. "Fred-wad."

I smiled and reached into my pocket. "Girls who make fun of me don't get fat cakes," I said waving it in front of her face.

I swear she almost drooled when she saw the pink fluffy Fat Cakes in front of her. "Freddie, have I ever told you how hot, muscular, and smart you are?" Sam said snatching the Fat Cakes out of my hand and running upstairs.

Carly looked at me with a smile on her face and she crossed her arms. I cocked my eyebrow at her wondering why she was looking at me that way. "What?" I finally asked when she didn't say anything.

"Told you so," she said quickly and ran upstairs following Sam. I rolled my eyes. I knew that was coming out at some point.

After finishing iCarly we all went to the groovy smoothie. I couldn't concentrate on my smoothie at all. I was hardly taking sips. I had to concentrate and not staring at Sam. This was never so hard before I realized I was still in love with her. Man, I wish I had never looked into her eyes. Those hypnotizing, sky blue, gorgeous…stop! This was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I was hoping Carly would help me and do what I asked of her earlier. I needed to know, to see if I should make my next move or not. The only problem was, I didn't know what my next move would be.

Someone had just walked in and that's when I saw Allie. She was as beautiful as ever. I hadn't seen her in a couple of days, and it was good to see her again. Allie and I made eye contact. She smiled sweetly at me, and I smiled back. Everyone was saying I was stupid to break up with a girl like that. Maybe I was. No, Freddie, stop! I couldn't start thinking about Allie again. I went back to sipping my smoothie trying to clear my mind of all the craziness that was happening with me. It wasn't working very well. The only way I new how to settle all of this was to get Sam back. I had to have her back. It was the only way. I knew I was never going to be able to get over her. I just had to get her alone so I could talk to her. But she was always with Hunter or Carly.

Speak of the devil, Hunter walked in through the door. He came over to our table and kissed Sam on the cheek by surprise. Sam looked over and smiled as they shared a peck on the lips. It was almost horrifying. Carly gave me an apologetic look and I just shrugged. What else was I supposed to do? She had every right to kiss her boyfriend. Even though he looked like he just got our on parole. He sat down next to me and nodded a hello. I nodded back trying to hold back my disdain for him. I hated being jealous, especially since Sam was happy. I should be happy because she is. I just wasn't happy that I wasn't the person making her feel that way anymore. It pretty much just sucked!

The whole entire time at the Groovy Smoothie was agonizing. Sam and Hunter were laughing, hugging, and kissing right in front of me. I wanted to say something so bad but I couldn't. It was killing me. Walking back to our apartments Carly had talked to me about talking to Sam. She said that she wasn't going to do it because she believed I needed to talk to her myself. I guess she was right at some level, but I didn't want to make a total fool out of myself. I could already picture it. I got Sam, pour my heart out and she just laughs in my face. I walked into my bedroom feeling so worn out by all the thinking I had been doing. Maybe I just had to get some rest.

I heard a knocking at my bedroom door that woke me up. I looked around not really remembering where I was at first. I must've been more tired than I realized. I went to my door and Sam was standing there. This took me aback. Sam has never came into my apartment except to beat me up or drag me over to Carly's place. Before I could ask what she was doing there she pushed me to the side and walked into my room. I gave her a weird look. "Excuse me," I said very rudely. "What are you doing here, Sam?"

She turned around to face me. "You're scaring me, Benson," she said.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. I couldn't imagine how I could scare Sam. I couldn't imagine anything scaring Sam as a matter of fact. "What do you mean I'm scaring you?" I asked completely puzzled.

"What is going on with you lately," she asked. "You've been treating me nice. You've been avoiding arguments. And don't think I didn't realize that look you gave Hunter and I every time we kissed. What's up?"

"Sam, I don't know what you're talking about," I lied. She already knew it was a lie too. Like I had said before, Sam knew me better than anyone.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You know exactly what I'm talking about Freddie."

Maybe this was the right moment to tell her. It seemed like it, and it felt like it. If she was asking me, maybe I should just go ahead and tell her the truth. "Fine," I sighed. "You really want to know what's going on?"

She shrugged. "Duh," she responded.

I gathered up all my strength and finally blurted out everything that I had been holding back. "I'm still in love with you. I have never stopped loving, Sam. I thought I had. I thought I was over you, but about a month ago, for some reason, I realized that I was never over you. Even with I was with Allie, you were always on my mind. That's the reason I broke up with her. I've wanted to get you back for a while now. I just didn't know how."

Sam looked at me in shock. I couldn't take it back now. "Freddie…"

"I know," I interrupted. "You don't like me that way and you're with Hunter. I just had to tell you. I couldn't keep it in anymore. It was killing me."

Sam then looked a little offended which surprised me. "So, now you just know how I feel, huh?"

"Well, I—"

"Listen, Freddie, if you want to know the truth too, I still love you too," she said without hesitation.

I couldn't believe my ears. Did she really just say what I thought she said? Maybe my ears were just playing tricks on me. There was no way she would love me. "What about Hunter?"

She shrugged. "He's a cool guy," she admitted. "I really like him, but…he's no comparison to you."

She got closer to me and I actually felt nervous. I hardly ever felt nervous in front of Sam unless she was holding a fist or some kind of tool in her hand. She put her hand on my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Then she looked deeply into my eyes. I couldn't believe this was happening. "I love you, Freddie," she whispered.

I smiled. "I love you, too," I said happily. I bent down to kiss her lips and then…

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

My alarm clock went off. My arm automatically hit the off button. My eyes fluttered open and I realized it was all just a dream. I groaned knowing it was too good to be true.

I couldn't stop thinking about that dream I had. Maybe it was a sign or something. Maybe it was a glimpse into the future. Or maybe it was just a dream and nothing more. I was walking through the park so I could clear my head and it wasn't working. Then I saw Hunter. Oh, today was just my lucky day wasn't it? He was leaning on a tree trying to be cool. I scoffed and was about to keep walking until I saw a raven-haired girl walk up to him and they kissed. I was blown out of my mind. Sure, I didn't like Hunter, but the way he was with Sam, I would've never guessed he was a cheater. Then something inside me started burning, and I was enraged. Was he really doing this to her; to my Sam?

I tried to stay calm before I did something I would regret. But then I knew I would never regret what I was about to do. I quickly walked into their direction. A couple feet away from them, Hunter finally noticed me and his eyes went wide. "Freddie, look it's not what you—"

I cut him off short but punching him in the face. Naturally, if this was any other fight, I would probably get my butt kicked. But I was fighting for Sam at that moment and I wasn't backing down. This guy seriously needed to get a big reality check. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Hunter!" I yelled at him.

The girl stood there watching in horror as I kicked him. "Do you not realize how lucky you are?" I asked him rhetorically. "Do you not see how good you have it and you're going to cheat on her?"

I just shook my head at him, disgusted, and walked away. In all honesty, I knew if I would give him the time to get up, I would probably be dead. I finally made it back to Carly's apartment about three hours later. I was trying to find the right words to tell Sam about Hunter and that other girl. She was going to be devastated. But I knew I had to tell her. Who knows, maybe after the shock of it all she'd be ok, and maybe that would give us a chance. I knocked on Carly's bedroom door and walked in like I always do. Carly and Sam were whispering to each other and stopped when they saw me. I gave them a confused look. Sam looked at me and she didn't look happy. "I heard what happened at the park, today," Sam said.

My eyes went wide. "You did?" I asked. "Look, Sam I'm so sorry."

"You should be for punching my boyfriend for hugging his sister," she said.

I looked at her shocked. If that was his sister then that was a very messed up family. I couldn't believe that she actually fell for that line. "Yeah, what's gotten into you Freddie?" Carly said with a questioning gaze.

"What's gotten into me?" I asked outraged that they actually believed Hunter instead of me who they've known for years. "What gotten into you guys? That wasn't his sister, that was the girl who was cheating with Sam with! I saw them kissing!"

"What?" Carly said now looking as pissed as I was. "He was cheating on Sam?"

"Please," Sam said not believing a word I was saying "Hunter wouldn't cheat on me."

"Sam, it's true," I stressed. "Why else would I punch him?"

She shrugged her shoulders refusing to actually listen to me. "It wouldn't be the first time you lied to me," she said. "In fact, Hunter said that you punched him because you were jealous that we had a better relationship than we had."

I pushed Carly out of the way and moved towards Sam furious. "You really think you have a better relationship with this guy?" I asked. "I would've never guessed on how _blind _you could be. C'mon, Sam, you're smarter than this."

"Shut up!" She yelled at me. "I know you're lying so just stop! I don't want to hear what you have to say. Besides why do you even care anymore? I don't even want you to care. So just stay out of my life!"

I took a deep breath. I looked at her completely furious. "You just don't take any hints do you?" I asked. "Fine, Sam, if you want me to stay out of your life, then I'm done. I'm done trying to be nice to you. I'm done trying to make you open your eyes. I'm done trying to protect you. I'm all together _done_."

Carly finally came into the conversation. "Freddie, don't say that," she said. "Just tell her why you care."

"It doesn't matter anymore, 'cause she's right. I don't care."

"Freddie…" Carly trailed off not really knowing what to say to me. She looked at me with full concern.

I couldn't take it anymore. Yes, we fight. Yes, she doesn't know that I love her. But she should know me enough that I would never lie to her about anything like this. She not believing me was just too hurtful and I didn't want to deal with it. Why should I be the having deal with all this pain. Hunter was cheating on her, and as much as I wanted her to believe me, I knew she wouldn't. I just didn't see the point of trying anymore. Maybe I should just forget about Sam and go back to Allie. Allie never treated me like this, and she actually loves me back.

"No, Carly it's ok," Sam said to her, crossing her arms. "Let him do what he wants."

Carly scoffed. "You really don't get it, do you?" She said to same in all seriousness.

I touched her shoulder and shook my head. I turned to Sam. "Goodbye, Sam," I said with all the bitterness in my voice. "Just don't come running to me when you finally realize I'm right about Hunter."

She sneered at me before I turned away. I looked back one more time, shook my head, and walked out the door.

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><p>PLEASE LEAVE SOME AWESOME REVIEWS!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5: iNeed To Tell You

Hey guys! I am truly sorry for this. I moved to a place with no internet and I didn't have a computer at the time anyway. Then me and my boyfriend broke up and then back together and now I'm living at a new place and I've been working a lot. Yeah, lots of things have happened but where I am for the meantime they have a computer and internet so hopefully while I'm here I'll be able to finish this. Anyways...ENJOY!

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: iNeed To Tell You<strong>

It had been almost a week and I hadn't seen Sam at all. I was cursing myself after how I reacted with Sam. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. There was no reason to act that way. It was more of a jealousy thing, I guess. I just couldn't wrap it around my head that she wanted to believe Hunter instead of me. She has no reason to believe me anyway. I mean, we are supposed to be enemies, right? Still I couldn't get over the fact that she actually thought I was lying about something like that. I was sitting on the stairs in the hallway of school skipping class. I know. Surprising, right? _The _Freddie Benson skipping class willingly and all I've been doing is sitting here trying to think of a way to apologize to Sam. I didn't see any point actually. I've tried talking to her but she won't listen. She's so stubborn sometimes. What makes me mad most is that Hunter got away with cheating and there was nothing I could do about it. I should've just taken a picture on my phone or something instead of trying to beat him up. Honestly, I saw Hunter the other day and he wasn't banged up at all. I thought I had at least given him a black eye. Definitely not as tough as I thought I was.

Suddenly, I heard heels clicking and saw Allie coming down the stairs. She gave me a curious look and sat down next to me. It was good to see her again. I haven't really talked to her ever since I stopped coming to her for advice on Sam. I know I'm a jerk, but Allie was extremely smart and I knew she could help. I did stop though once I realized it was hurting her to talk about it. See, I'm not all bad. She flipped her beautiful brown curls behind her shoulder and just stared at me. I shrugged as if saying "What?" and she just shook his head. "Just never imagined you'd skipping class," she said.

"Oh yeah, well, what about you?" I asked. Allie lifted her hand and I saw the hall pass. "Oh."

"So, what's up?" She asked.

I really didn't know if I should tell her or not. Like I said, I stopped because I knew it was bothering her. I didn't want to do that again. She waited patiently for me to answer. I saw her eyes searching for the answer in my face. That's when I realized how beautiful she looked today. I sighed and put my head down. "I think I blew my chances with Sam." I admitted sadly.

She looked at me in mock shock. "You mean she didn't run into your arms and scream 'Freddie, I love you too'?" She said giggling. I had missed that giggle.

I smiled slightly. "Actually, I haven't even told her how I feel yet," I explained. "I saw her boyfriend kissing another girl and she didn't believe me. So I blew up at her and told her I was done. Now she won't even speak to me."

She nodded her head. "Jealousy is a strong thing," she said looking away from me and inattentively at her hall pass. "I should know."

I suddenly felt bad again. I knew she wasn't going to want to hear about my Sam troubles. I mean, I just broke up with this girl three months ago. Why was I bothering her with my problems? I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I should've just kept it to myself."

"No, Freddie, it's fine," she assured me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked into her beautiful hazel eyes again. "It actually feels good that you feel like you can confide in me."

I nodded and smiled. "You weren't just my girlfriend, you know. You were also my best friend."

"You were mine too," she whispered.

We just sat there staring at each other for a minute. Then a thought popped into my head. I wasn't with this beautiful, amazing girl who loved me. I was trying to chase some girl who hardly realized I existed unless it was to make fun of me or beat me. Allie was the girl I should be with. I told myself that the moment I laid eyes on her. We were a perfect match; just like everyone else had said. So why wasn't I with her? I let her go for something that wasn't moving any more forward than it could. I broke up with her for a girl who didn't even want me to exist in her life. For a girl that didn't believe me when I told her something.

I was such an idiot. I should've been with Allie this whole time. Instead, I have been chasing after Sam and acting like I actually had a chance. Don't get me wrong. I did love Sam. I _do _love Sam. But why wait on something that will never happen? Why pretend that I can go on like this without getting hurt? It wasn't going to work out and I knew that. I was trying to grab onto something that was always going to be out of my reach. Allie looked at me strange. I guess I had just been staring at her without saying anything for the last couple of minutes. Without thinking, I leaned in and kissed her.

It didn't take her long to kiss back. I let my books that I held in my hands fall at my feet and wrapped my arms around Allie. If you're wondering what the heck I was thinking kissing Allie, don't ask. I have no idea. Nothing was going through my head. I just knew that I still had feelings for Allie, and that I was hurt by Sam. I just didn't want to hurt anymore. Allie made me feel better, like she always had. I didn't know if I was kissing her because I missed her, loved her, or was just using her to make me forget about Sam. All I knew was that I couldn't let go. My body just kept bringing her closer to me. My lips kept moving with hers so perfectly. I knew I should've stopped. I should've never kissed her at all.

What was the most surprising was how responsive she was. Her hands were cupping my face as she kissed me back with so much passion it almost made me light-headed. My hand got tangled up in her hair and the other one put pressure on the small of her back, begging her to come closer. Of course, we were already pressed against each other. I was trying to stop myself. This wasn't going to end well. But then I thought, what was so wrong with this? Maybe we could get back together and I could stop being on this wild goose chase. It would never work though. Like Allie had said that night we broke up. _'Being in love with someone isn't something that just goes away…' _She was right.

I broke away only for a second. I was supposed to pull away completely, but then she crashed her lips on mine. I wanted to kiss back so bad. Clearly, I still had feelings for Allie. Maybe they never left. I started to kiss back but then I pulled away and shook my head. We both looked at each other, breathing heavily. "What are we doing?" I asked finally catching my breath.

"What are _we _doing?" She asked. "You kissed me first bucko. That's all you."

She laughed. I knew she was trying to lighten up the mood. I was glad because I could feel the awkwardness creeping up from behind us. Things had never been awkward between us and I didn't want it to start now. Neither did she. "I'm sorry," I chuckled. "I don't know what came over me. I just…I've missed you."

She looked away quickly. "Freddie, I miss you too," she whispered. "But I don't think it's such a good idea that we talk about this. You still have to figure out this thing with Sam."

I groaned. "What if I don't want to? I don't see it going anywhere."

"Do you see us going anywhere if you're still in love with her?" She asked in all seriousness. "I'm not going to lie. I love you, Freddie."

I sighed. "See, that's the problem," I said.

"I know, you don't love me back, and that's fine," she started but I cut her off.

"No, the problem is I love you too," I said truthfully.

She was taken aback. She smiled slightly but then it quickly turned into a frown. "That makes me happy," she said. "But I don't want just half of you. I want all or nothing. So you're going to have to make a choice, sooner or later. It's me or her. I don't mean to give you an ultimatum but that's all I can offer right now."

I nodded. She kissed me on the cheek and walked away to her class. I put my face in hands and groaned again. What was wrong with me? Only I, Freddie, can mess this situation up so badly. I'm in love with two amazing girls, and I want both of them. But Allie was right. I had to make a choice. I couldn't keep bouncing back and forth. I had to talk to Sam. It was the only way to figure out what I was going to do. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes at myself. This was not going to be fun.

o0o0o0o

I gradually walked down the hall of Sam's apartment complex, trying to reach the door as slow as possible. I didn't even know what I was going to say. _'Hey sorry I yelled at you and said I didn't care and I was done with you.' _Psh. Yeah, that'll go over like a charm. I finally reached her apartment door and I was starting to second guess this. It wasn't too late to turn back around. I could still leave. Just when I was about to turn around the front door flew open and Sam was standing there. She looked at me in shock at first and then disgust. No words were in my head. I just stood there like a fool with nothing to say. This was such a bad idea. "What do you want?" She asked.

"W-well, I was just coming h-here to…um…," I stammered trying to get the words out.

"Spit it out," she said annoyed.

I took a deep breath. "I'm here to apologize," I sighed in relief. "What I said last week to you was…out of line. I don't know why I acted that way."

She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. "Yeah, what was up with that?" She asked. "I mean I know we have problems but I thought we had _some_ kind of friendship."

"So did I," I confessed. "That's why I was so mad that you didn't believe me. I want you to know that I would never lie about something like that just to hurt you."

She looked down at her feet and then back up at me. "I know that," she sighed. "And I know that Hunter cheated on me. I caught him in the act. So, I guess I'm sorry too, for not believing you."

"Oh, Sam, I'm so sorry," I said and gave her a slightly awkward hug. We pulled away and she just nodded in response. Then I had just realized something. "So does this mean you two are broken up?"

She nodded again. I wanted to jump for joy. That was the best news I heard in my life. I couldn't believe it. Maybe this was the right time to tell her what I have been wanting to tell her. My stomach was in knots as I tried to blurt out my feelings for her. "Sam, I need to tell you something," I started.

"I bet I know what it is," she replied.

My eyebrows went up in surprise. "You do?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I heard you and Allie are back together. A couple of people caught of glimpse of your make out session and now it's all over the school."

"Oh. Well, no we're not together. That was just…um…"

"Oh, c'mon, Freddie. If you're not with her then you should be. Heard it was pretty steamy. And I can tell…that…she loves you."

Sam seemed uncomfortable saying that. She disguised it though pretending she was gagging at the thought of someone loving me. She shook her head and laughed. I laughed too. I couldn't help it. It was so contagious when she laughed and smiled. "I don't think I can be with her right now," I confessed.

She looked at me confused and surprised. Allie was right as usual. As much as I loved her, I will always love Sam more. I thought back to what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure if I should tell her anymore. God, I was always running back and forth in my mind on what to do. I was getting tired of it. I needed to just stay on track. If I was going to say it then I should just say it. I guess fear was getting in the way like always. I was letting it too. But what would I do if she shot me down? I don't know how I would react or how it would even feel. I probably wouldn't be taking it so well. I wasn't going to let myself fall into that. "Well, I've got to go," Sam said interrupting my thoughts.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

She turned around and picked up a small box full of CD's, pictures and a jacket. "Need to give all this stuff back to Hunter before I burn it," she said. She walked past me, box in hand, and headed down the hallway.

I wanted to stop her. But I never did. She turned around, gave me a wink, and got into the elevator. I stood there dumbfounded at myself. This was never going to work. I couldn't just keep being afraid all the time. Eventually, it would bottle up inside and I would finally just explode at the wrong moment and place. I could see it now. I quickly ran down the stairs trying to beat the elevator. I made in downstairs just in the nick of time. Sam walked out of the elevator and I stopped her. "Hey, Sam, wait," I said.

"What is it now, Froddie?" She said making fun of me.

"I just needed—"

"Hey!" Carly said walking into the lobby.

Sam turned around and I turned the other way frustrated. What the hell was the world trying to stop me from telling Sam that I loved her? Either way it turns out I still felt the need to tell her. I felt like she deserved to know. But between me and everyone else in America, it was never going to happen. I said my goodbyes to both of them making some excuse that my mom needed my help with something. Instead of actually going to my place I decided to take a walk. Walking seemed to be the only time where I could think clearly nowadays.

Sam and Hunter were broken up. They were done and over with. She was a free agent. But maybe it wasn't the right time. She was falling for Hunter and all of a sudden found out that he was cheating on her. I could be happy with just giving her some time and still trying to be nice to her and have her notice me. Now with the scumbag out of the way, maybe it would be easier. There was no one to distract her and nothing to hold her feelings back. Not saying that she had feelings for me, but you never know. My head went back to Allie and what I was going to do with her. If I did get with Sam, I would still love Allie. And that wouldn't be fair at all. Of course, I did love Sam more, it still wouldn't be right. I had to get over my feelings for one of them; I just didn't know which one. I should just give up on both of them all together. It wasn't doing any of us any good for me to keep going back and forth between the two.

I started to kick a rock I found on the ground and sighed. I missed the times when life was simple. I was in love with Carly, and Sam and I hated each other. Man was that the good life. Then she had to go and complicate things that night when she kissed me at school. That's all it took. That one kiss and I was hooked. I just didn't know I would still be hooked eight months later. She had me right where she wanted me and didn't even know it. If only I didn't keep making excuses on why I shouldn't tell her how I feel. They were all valid reasons, of course. But I don't think they were good enough. I could think of tons of reason not to tell Sam. But one reason why I should tell her kept playing in my mind. What if she loved me back? I laughed at myself when I thought about that. I was not Sam's type at all. I know, I know, she dated me, but she already pleaded temporary insanity. I just couldn't wrap my mind around a thought like that. All I could keep thinking was that it was just a one time thing and it would never happen again. But again, that 'what if' kept popping in my head. It could happen. It could be true. But would I be able to take it if it's not. I couldn't imagine wasting all this time trying to get her to love me again, and it not even make a dent. I had to figure this out. I had to figure out everything. What I needed…and what I wanted. And I already knew what I wanted. It was Samantha Puckett. The real question was…is she what I needed?

o0o0o0o

Carly and I were watching some videos for iCarly this coming week. Sam was late as usual for rehearsal so I guess Carly thought it was the perfect time to ask me questions about Sam. She knew I was happy when I heard that Hunter was out of her life. We just haven't talked about Sam since then, and I was very content with that. The less I talked and/or thought about Sam, the less I would get confused and frustrated myself. This was Carly though, and I definitely should've known better. As I was looking through the videos she was staring at me with a mischievous smile on her face. I tried to ignore her but she wouldn't quit. Finally, I looked at her and asked, "Why do you keep staring at me?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, nothing," she said nonchalantly. "It's just, you know, Sam has been single for almost a month now."

"Yeah?" I said acting like I didn't know where she was going with this.

"And she's over Hunter," Carly said. "I can tell; doesn't even talk about him anymore."

"And?" I asked.

Carly sighed frustrated. She grabbed my shoulders and shook me slightly. "When are you going to make your move?" She finally asked.

"Carly," I said removing her hands from my shoulders. "I'm not going to make a move."

She looked at me strangely. "What do you mean? This is like perfect timing. Tonight after rehearsal just take her into the studio, and tell her how you feel."

I shook my head and chuckled. Carly was such a hopeless romantic. "It's not that simple," I said.

"Yeah it is. You just have to let it out. I'm not saying she's going to feel the same and that you'll get married and have kids someday. But I am saying that you'll never know unless you tell her"

Sam walked in the door and went straight to the fridge. She grabbed a chicken leg and leaned against the kitchen counter. "Sup?" She greeted through a mouth full of chicken.

Carly smiled. "Hey Sam," she said. "You ready for rehearsal?"

"Sure am," she said grabbing a napkin and wrapping the chicken in it. "Let's go."

"Actually, I'll meet you and Freddie up there," she said. "I need to…check on the laundry real quick."

Carly took off running through the back door. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe she just did that to me. Sam looked at the door oddly and then looked at me the same way. "Why does that feel like a set up?" Sam asked putting her chicken down.

I sat up from the computer and went towards her. "It's because it was," I confessed. "Sam, I have been dying to tell you something for months now."

"Ok, what is it?" She asked totally oblivious to the nervousness in my voice.

"Sam…"

She waited for me to say it. It wasn't coming out. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I kissed her.

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><p>PLEASE REVIEW!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6: iDon't Love You

You can be as furious with me as you want. I have been dealing with a lot of bullcrap in my life right now. But tonight I really needed an outlet and I just got inspired finally! So hopefully this will make up for not updating in forever. Hope my fans are still my fans. Finally chapter 6 is here! Review please!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: iDon't Love You<strong>

I pulled away quickly realizing what I had just done. I looked at Sam waiting for her to yell at me or smack me; something. She stood there in complete shock. I didn't know what to do at this point. It was Sam so the smart thing would have been to run away and lock the door behind me but I couldn't move. In fact, I was hoping for some kind of reaction at this point. All she was doing was standing there staring at me with her jaw dropped. I can tell she was confused. I wanted to say something but I didn't know how I could make this awkward moment ok. It reminded when Sam first kissed me at our school. It was so unexpected but it started something wonderful. I didn't know if the same thing was going to happen this time, though.

I was begging her to say something; do something. I couldn't take the silence anymore. I said the only thing that came to mind. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I don't know what came over me."

"What…the hell…was that?" Sam asked slowly. I couldn't tell if she was angry or not yet.

"I just needed to tell you something," I said.

"But you didn't say anything," she said. Ok, she was mad. "You just grabbed me and kissed me. What? You think you can just kiss me whenever you feel like it? That these lips are some kind of free service to you?"

I backed away as she came towards me. I could tell she was furious. "Look, Sam, I just didn't know how to say it," I tried to explain quickly. "Please just give me five minutes to explain."

"You got two," she said crossing her arms.

At this point, there was no more trying to hide it. There was no more trying to deny it. I was trapped and maybe that was a good thing. This time I couldn't run from it. Sam was right in front of me asking me to tell her what I had been dying to say for months. I didn't have time to think of how or what to say. The best thing at this moment was to just tell her the truth. But, of course, just as I was about to tell her, my phone rings. I quickly looked at it and saw it was Allie. I really should've ignored it and tell Sam that I was in love with her, but I didn't. Why you may ask? I have no freaking clue!

I held up my pointer finger to tell Sam one minute and turned around to answer my phone. "Hey, Allie," I answered.

"Freddie," Allie said crying.

"Al, are you ok?" I asked truly concerned.

I heard some sniffles. "Yeah, I think so," she said. "Look, I'm sorry I'm calling out of the blue but I just need to talk to you about something; about us."

"Um," I said turning around as Sam impatiently waited for me to get off the phone. "Yeah, I can do that. Just give me about a half an hour and I'll be on my way."

I hung up the phone and looked at Sam apologetically. "Fredward Benson, you better not be thinking of running off without telling me what the heck just happened," Sam warned.

"I don't know what happened, Sam," I lied through my teeth. "I just wanted to know if…I still had feelings for you."

It was getting easier and easier to lie these days. I didn't like it one bit either. Why couldn't of I just told her the truth? What was wrong with me? And now I just kissed Sam and I'm about to go over to Allie's place so we can talk about her and I? Seriously, I'm not dating either one of them but it feels like I'm a two-timer. Sam took it in a minute and nodded. "Well, do you?" She asked rather calmly.

"Um, no, I don't," I answered. Freddie Benson, what is the matter with you?

"Oh," she simply said. She turned around and didn't say a word.

"Sam?" I asked. "You ok?"

She turned around again. "Of course," she said but it wasn't convincing. "I'm so glad we got that covered. I mean I would really hate it if you still liked me."

That hurt pretty bad when she said that. I could feel my heart wanting to shatter. "Why?" I asked trying to act more interested than hurt.

"Well think about it," she said. "We tried it once before and it didn't work. Plus, you love Allie and we hate each other way too much to even think about dating again. And I don't have any feelings for you either."

I nodded trying my hardest not to show my sadness. "Well, it's a good thing I don't," I agreed.

"Don't worry, Benson," she reassured. "I'm not in love with you and you and I will never happen again. Now, go see Allie. I'll tell Carls where you are."

I walked out of the apartment with my heart barely hanging in there. _"I'm not in love with you and you and I will never happen again" _It was official. Sam and I would never be together again. I wanted to punch the wall. I wanted to hit something. I wanted this pain to go away and never come back. I had never felt this before. It was pure heartache. Sure, I was hurt when we broke up but this was different. I was really and truly in love with Sam. I know I had been saying that for months. But only now did I realize that this wasn't just high school love. This was true love I was feeling.

I rested my forehead against the wall and sighed heavily in defeat. I looked at my watch and realized I had to get going to Allie's house. I didn't feel like driving or walking anywhere but I knew I had to. I couldn't let her down just because the girl of my dreams crushed my heart.

I knocked on the door. Allie opened it and concern filled her eyes. I must've looked awful. I had been willing myself not to cry. Yeah, I know I'm a wimp. "Oh, my god, Freddie," she asked. "Are you ok?"

I shook my head. "No, not at all," I admitted.

"Come on in," she invited as she pulled me inside.

We were sitting in Allie's room on her bed. She looked at me waiting for me to calm myself down and get ready to speak. To be honest, I really didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted someone to say it was going to be all right. I just needed someone there. And Allie was there for me. She always was. I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and at that point I didn't want to let go. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. She wasn't asking what was wrong or anything. She was just letting me hold on to her. I felt like if I let go I would fall into some deep black hole. "It's never going to work," I finally whispered in her ear. "She doesn't love me. She doesn't want to be with me. It's never going to happen again. She said so herself."

Allie didn't say anything. She squeezed and then finally let go. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She kissed my cheek and hugged me one last time.

"This is so weird," I said. "I've never felt this hurt before…ever."

She touched my cheek softly. "I wish there was something I could do to take it away," she said.

I shrugged. "Maybe it's for the best," I said. "I didn't see us working out. Why would I want a girl like Sam anyway? I mean, she's offensive, hateful, obnoxious…"

I trailed off. Both of us knew that every word out of my mouth was a lie. I did want Sam, more than anything in the world. I looked up at Allie and I could see she was hurting for me. I pushed her hair out of her face and her eyes closed for a moment. Allie was so gorgeous. _'No,' _I thought to myself. I was just hurt and I couldn't let Allie be my rebound girl. That would be terrible. I love Allie but I have to make sure that if I'm ever going to be with her again, then I need to get over this whole Sam thing. I need to make sure I want to be with her, and not just because Sam broke my heart.

I cleared my throat. "Enough about me," I said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, that," she said and tried to laugh it off. "It was nothing. Forget about it."

I gave her a 'yeah right' look. "You were crying on the phone, Allie," I reminded her. "C'mon, you know you can tell me anything."

"Really, Freddie, it's fine," she tried to convince me.

I moved from in front of her to right next to her. "Please tell me," I asked.

"Ok," she sighed. "But this isn't right timing." She bit her lip. "I was thinking a lot about you and the kiss the other day and all. And I just realized that I am very in love with you and I didn't want to give you up without a fight. I know I said I would leave you alone with the whole same thing but I couldn't. You are too important for me to lose."

I smiled slightly. "Thought you were a lover not a fighter," I playfully said.

"But I'll fight for what I love," she said.

She waited for me to say something but I didn't know what to say. From where it stands she didn't need to fight anymore. But I just told myself not to make her the rebound girl. I was kind of stuck. "I know," she whispered. "Bad timing. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No you're fine, Allie," I reassured her. "You know maybe this is a sign. Maybe this means that we are meant to be together. Sam just confessed that she doesn't have any feelings for me, and I do love you."

Allie shook her head. "As much as I would love that, I don't want to be the rebound girl."

I nodded and chuckled a bit. "I was just thinking the same thing," I admitted. "But, to be honest, I don't know if I would consider you that. I'm not saying I want to be with you because Sam is a no go. I'm saying I want to be with you…because I really do. I love Sam. I'm not going to lie about that. But it just seems like we aren't meant to be. You and I just seem so right sometimes."

Allie looked at me skeptically. I knew she wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not. I didn't know if it was either. Even though I said it wasn't because I couldn't get Sam, I wasn't sure how true that actually was. I was wasting my time on Sam, though. Allie looked at me and I looked back, and we both read each other's minds. We knew what was going to happen next.

"You what?" Carly said slapping me on the arm.

"Ow!" I yelped.

I had just told Carly what had happened between Sam and I. She wasn't very happy that I didn't tell Sam the real reason I kissed her. I could've sworn sometimes she wanted Sam and I to get back together more than I did. I sighed knowing that this was coming. "I can't believe you just didn't tell her the truth," Carly said outraged. "You're so frustrating. Why do you make things more complicated than they have to be?"

"Carly, it doesn't matter," I said. "She said that she doesn't have any feelings for me. I've been right all along. I was so stupid."

Carly looked at me and her face soften. I know I probably looked completely devastated. I really did feel stupid. How could've thought that Sam would still love me? She could do so much better than me. Carly sat next to me on the couch and patted my back. "Ever thought that maybe she said that because you said you didn't first?" Carly asked.

I looked at her and shook my head. "She just seemed so…sure," I whispered more to myself than her. "I mean, when I first told her she looked a little upset but I was just thinking it was because she was mad that I kissed her."

She shrugged. "Or maybe it's because she does like you, and she just didn't want to admit something to you if you didn't feel the same."

I nodded. Carly did make a lot of sense. She did seem a little disappointed but I never thought it would be because I said I don't like her anymore. Maybe there was a chance for me to get back together with her. If I could just finally muster up the courage to tell her what's really in my heart, I might win her back. But what if I didn't. What if Carly was wrong and she really didn't have feelings for me. I didn't know if I could take that blow again. It was hard enough the first time and I was still trying to get over it. I guess I just had to go by that old saying: "You'll never know until you try". But then I got to thinking about that night and my eyes went wide.

I didn't tell her about what happened between Allie and I the other night. "Carly, there's something else," I confessed. "Allie and I kissed the other night."

Carly looked at me with her mouth agape. She slapped me again on the arm even harder. "Carly! Would you please stop doing that?"

"When you stop being a player," she said rolling her eyes.

I stifled a chuckle. I was not being a player. It was funny for someone to call me that. "Look, it was just an innocent kiss because I was upset. It didn't go any further. We even talked right afterwards and agreed it was just because we were both upset."

I sighed and put my head down. Carly looked at me confused. "I don't get it," she stated. "What's the problem then?"

I stared at the wooden floor and took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Carly," I said. "This has never happened to me before and I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do, or say. I can't even tell Sam the truth. I'm going nowhere."

She looked at me sympathetically and touched my arm. "Freddie—"

"It's fine. I guess I'll figure it out. I'll let you go get ready for your date with Frank. Sorry I bothered you."

I walked out of her apartment and was about to go into mine. Then I thought about it and realized I could not deal with my mom at this moment. I sighed and decided to take a walk to the Groovy Smoothie. _"I'm not in love with you…" _As much as I tried I couldn't get those words out of my head. It was like an iPod on replay. It hurt repeating it in my head just as much as it did when I heard it from her. All this back and forth stuff between her and Allie wasn't helping. I didn't know what was wrong with me anymore. I figured that maybe I should just forget about both of them and move on with my life. Nothing was worth this much pain.

I walked into the Groovy Smoothie and walked up to T-Bo about to order a smoothie. Then I heard a familiar laugh behind me. I turned around and saw Sam…and Hunter. They were laughing together. I couldn't believe it. What was she doing with him? She couldn't…she wouldn't. I suddenly got furious and wanted to jump in there, but I kept my cool. I turned back to T-Bo and he handed me my smoothie. As I turned back around…they were kissing! I almost had a heart attack I was so shocked. Every fiber in my body was telling me to stay where I was. I tried to look away, disgusted by the sight. I couldn't bare it anymore. I walked up to them and pushed Hunter away from Sam. "Freddie!" Sam shouted.

I didn't even take the time to look at her. I stared furiously at Hunter as he just smirked. "Aw, what's wrong Fredward?" He asked sarcastically.

I turned to Sam. "Go," I ordered

She looked at me incredulously. I was surprised myself at what I said and how I was acting. But I just had to get her away from this dick of a guy. "Excuse me," she demanded. "I don't know who you think—"

I interrupted. "Sam," I said realizing my voice got louder. "You are not this stupid."

She rolled her eyes. "I really wish you would stop calling me that before I shove you in traffic," she said.

This girl was really something. Maybe she wasn't academically smart but she had more common sense than anyone else I knew. So when she made a mistake like this, it just took me by surprise. I felt like I had to protect her. "Then stop doing stupid things!" I shouted. A crowd started gathering around us three. "Sam, why are you kissing him?"

"How is that your business?" Hunter chimed in behind me.

I didn't dare to look at him. Mostly because he was a foot taller than me and could probably knock me out in one hit. "Hunter, you are not in this conversation and you aren't going to be in Sam's life," I said finally turning around to face him. "You are an ass and an idiot!"

"Freddie!" Sam tried to stop me.

"Shut up, Sam," I told her never taking my eyes off Hunter. "I don't know why she wants to be with you again, but I'm not going to let it happen. I…I…she's my friend and I'm not going to let that happen. Why do you even want her back?"

Hunter sneered at me. "What do you care?" He grunted.

"Oh, wait I know," I said. I was so furious I was standing up for myself and everyone around me was cheering me on. All except for Sam that is. "You just realized that she is the most amazing person on the planet! I realized that years ago which is why I would never do anything like that to hurt her. You realize how insane you were? What guy in his right mind would let Sam go like that and then have her turn on her friend? You are the stupidest—"

The next thing I knew I felt something cold on my eye. My head was lifted up by something and the rest of my body was on the floor. I could tell because I felt the tile. I fluttered my eyes open and saw Sam hovering with a zip-lock bag of ice on my eye. She removed the ice from my face when she saw me wake up. She shook her head at me, obviously in disappointment of me putting myself in front of Hunter like that. I had to do something, though. Hunter was no good for her and I wasn't going to just sit back and watch the woman I love be cheated and lied to. God, I'm such a sap.

Then I realized; my head was on Sam's lap. She was on the floor sitting on her legs…and my head was on her lap. I tried to hide my smile about this simple fact. This girl had me exactly where she wanted me, and she didn't even know it. She looked so beautiful with her golden curls cascading over her face as she stared down at me and placed the ice back on my eye. I winced in pain a little and rested on her lap comfortably.

The crowd that was gathered around us a couple of minutes before had dispersed and gone back to their smoothies and biscuits on a stick. I looked around as much as I could and didn't see Hunter anywhere either. I wonder what happened during the few minutes I was knocked out. I was sure I would see him standing over me laughing menacingly. "You are a crazy person," Sam finally said to me.

I smiled. "Yeah, well, you know," I said shrugging.

"Actually, I don't," she responded.

I was disappointed when she slowly lifted my head off of her so she could stand up. She helped me to my feet and stared at me muddled. I knew what she was talking about. I would have never done a scene like that for her before. I would try to warn her on my own time and that me ordering Sam around business, wouldn't of even crossed my mind. Again it was one of those moments that I could've told her the truth, but I didn't.

Even though I knew Carly had a point about Sam lying about her feelings, I still couldn't get those words out of my head. _"And I don't have any feelings for you either." _Carly could've been wrong. What happens if I say something and she really doesn't have feelings for me? I would look like a total fool; more than usual at least. I kept asking myself if I could take that chance.

"What was with bad boy Freddie?" Sam asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

I shrugged. "I don't like Hunter," I said simply.

She cocked her eyebrow. "Yeah you made that pretty clear," she chuckled.

"What were you doing with him, anyway?" I asked her. "You know he is no good for you. You deserve—"

She put her hand up to stop me. "So, you know how in movies, when an awkward situation happens people try to say 'we're just practicing a play'?"

I nodded. She went into her backpack that was sitting in one of the chairs beside her. She pulled out a booklet and gave it to me. It was a play. "Grease?" I said trying not to laugh.

"It's a stupid project we have to do for stupid drama," she said. "I have to play Sandy in front of the whole class with Hunter as Danny. We were practicing, that's it."

"Oh," I said gathering everything. Now I felt like an idiot.

"Look, I have to go but I want to thank you," she said shyly.

Who was this person that took over Sam's body? Did she really just thank me? Most of the time it would be sarcastic. "For what?"

"All those things you said to Hunter about me," she replied. "It was…really nice."

I smiled. "Anytime," I said. "Honestly, Sam, we might fight but I lo-I mean…I-I like you and you're my friend. I just didn't want to see you making a big mistake."

"Please Freddork," she said acting like Sam again. "That man isn't even ready for me." She gave me the bag of ice and made her way to the door. She turned around and said, "Oh, and one more thing. You _ever _try to order me around again, I'll make sure the next black eye is from me."

She walked out the door and I chuckled. All of a sudden a new emotion overtook my body; determination. There was no way I could give up now. Even if she didn't feel the same, she would by the time I was done. I wanted to do everything in my power to get her back no matter what. If I had given up now, I would've regretted for the rest of my life. There was only one problem: Allie.

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><p>Hope you guys aren't still mad at me and you still review because you guys are awesome and I could use some good words right now. Again guys, a lot of stuff is happening right now, but I am going to try my hardest to continue this story for you guys.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7: iNeed Shock Therapy

What? Two chapters, two days in a row? It's unbelievable! I was very inspired today. I even started the other chapter already! Which means they'll be a sneak peek at the end of this. PLEASE REVIEW!

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><p><strong>Chapter 7: iNeed Shock Therapy<strong>

I hadn't told Carly the whole truth about Allie. After the kiss, there was a lot more to it than us saying it was a mistake. I was just tired of Carly hitting me so I lied. I told you it was getting easier for me to lie nowadays.

_Allie and I kissed a soft, sweet, and gentle kiss. I knew in my head I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. My head wasn't on straight right now. I was upset, confused, and devastated. There's was just no stopping though. Then what started as a simple kiss, turned into something more; something so much more._

_A lot of people didn't know, but Sam and I had lost our virginity to each other. So, obviously, Allie and I had sex during our relationship. Tonight, I knew it was going to happen again. Except this time we weren't in a relationship and I was in love with someone else. I was lost and sad about Sam, that I just wanted to forget. Allie was offering so I was taking. I was taking every bit I could get and I pushed her down on the bed. As much as I liked Allie, I knew it wasn't love anymore. I could tell by the way I wanted her so much._

_That probably didn't make a lot of sense. I wanted her so badly. I wanted her because I couldn't have Sam. I wanted her because I was rejected and she was accepting me. In that moment though, I didn't care. I just wanted to forget and only think of Allie. I kissed her neck and she moaned a little. I kept thinking her name over and over again in my head. Allie, Allie, Allie. I started to realize what I was doing was wrong, and I was starting to care. I didn't want that happening. For once in my life, I didn't want to care about anything. _'I want this. I want Allie.'_ I kept saying that in my head. I looked at her and I started creeping my hand up her leg. "You sure?" I asked._

_She nodded quickly and I kissed her again._

_The deed was done. Allie and I were putting our clothes back on. I had felt so terrible. The sex didn't mean anything like it used to; not to me. It was just a way to escape. Great. Other people use alcohol or drugs but nope. Freddie Benson is too good for all that. I just use people. I was such a terrible person. I grabbed my shirt from the floor and sat down on the chair that belonged to Allie's vanity table. I sat there and watched her put her sexy nightgown on. There was no denying this girl was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. How could I do this to her? She didn't deserve what I had just done to her. "What's wrong?" Allie asked._

_I saw her coming up to me. I tried to smile at her. "What makes you think something's wrong?" I asked her._

_"I was your girlfriend for 5 months," she answered. "You don't think I know you by now. Plus you forgot to put on your boxers before you put on your pants like 3 times in a row."_

_She laughed and I tried to join her. It was weak. "Allie, you're a wonderful person._

_Allie smiled a gorgeous smile. "That's sweet Freddie," she thanked me._

_I got up from the chair and grabbed her from the waist. I kissed her softly and then hugged her tightly. When we pulled away and I cupped her face with my hands. "I think this was a mistake," I whispered. "I'm so sorry Al. You are such an amazing person and so beautiful; inside and out. But—"_

_"You still love Sam," she finished for me. "I know that Freddie. You don't have to keep reminding me."_

_She sat down on her bed clearly hurt. "Al, I'm really sorry," I tried._

_"Look, Sam doesn't love you," she said._

_"I know that Allie," I sighed. "And you don't have to remind me of _that_."_

_I put on my shirt and was about to put on my shoes to leave. "Wait, Freddie," Allie stopped me. "I didn't mean it like that it's just that…I'm right here for you. I do love you and you know it."_

_I shook my head and put on my jacket. "That's not the problem," I admitted. "What we just did…wasn't supposed to happen. I knew it was wrong but I didn't care."_

_She looked at me a little befuddled. "I'm not sure I know what you mean? What's wrong with two people who love each other—"_

_That's when she figured out what I trying to say. "Oh…" she trailed off not knowing what to say._

_"Allie, I love you, but I really don't know if I'm in love with you anymore." I went and sat down on the bed frustrated. "I'm just so confused. I'm confused, hurt, I don't what to think, and I don't even know who I am anymore. I mean I'm not the kind of guy that does this to someone. Especially someone he really cares about."_

_Allie looked at me and smiled half-heartedly. "Are you really done with Sam?" I nodded my head. I was never dealing with this kind of pain again. "So how about this? You go and take some time to think, and then you and I will go out for dinner this weekend, and we will talk about our relationship and whether it can work out or not. Sound good?"_

_"Sounds great," I smiled. I pecked her lips and went on my way._

Carly was so right. I am a player. I'm not very good at it either. But at that point I really thought I was done. Something about that conversation between Sam and I though sparked something inside me. I had to keep trying. The dinner wasn't supposed to be until Saturday and it was three days away. I didn't know if I should wait or if I should tell her now. I didn't want to tell Allie anything. I didn't want to hurt her. But I was getting over her and rather quickly. I thought it was probably because of what was going on with Sam.

Something was definitely changing between us, ever since that kiss we shared. I sat down at a nearby table and pulled out my phone. I hovered over the number 3 which was her speed dial number. It took me at least 30 seconds to finally press that button. Then I realized I still had to press the call button. I hovered over that for another 15 seconds and decided that I couldn't do it. I wouldn't even know how to tell her. I was such a mess. It seemed like the more and more I got into this situation, the more and more stuck I get. I was tired of being confused every five minutes.

This is something I had to see through either way. I wasn't going to let myself down. Something sparked that night we kissed, and I was going to make sure it wasn't my imagination. I got up from the table and left the Groovy Smoothie. I decided that I would need Carly's help for this. No one knows Sam better than her. That would mean I'd have to tell her the truth about Allie and I. At this point I had no choice. If I wanted to get Sam back, I had to bring in my secret weapon.

o0o0o0o

Carly rubbed both her temples with her fingertips as if she had a headache, or was thinking really hard. She finally looked up at me and I had a scared look on my face. I had just told her everything from Allie to the Groovy Smoothie incident. We were sitting in the web studio in the bean bag chairs. We had just finished shooting iCarly. Luckily, Sam had to go bail her mom out of jail. We didn't ask why. We didn't want to know.

I waited patiently as Carly just stared at me and shook her head. I didn't really know if she was upset, mad, or just as confused as I was. I was just hoping I wouldn't get hit again. "Told you so," Carly said.

I cocked my eyebrow at her. "Told me what?" I asked clearly perplexed.

"You should've just told Sam the truth that day you kissed her, and none of this would've happened," she answered me shaking her head again. "And if Sam didn't have feelings for you, what happened last night would've probably been ok. But because you refuse to listen to your best friend, you are turning out to be a player. No wait, it's called 'playa'."

"Look," I started, "None of this was supposed to happen. I had a plan and I was ready to tell Sam everything. You have to understand how crazy I feel right now and how hard it is. And I feel awful about what I did with Allie."

Carly sighed. "Freddie, you have to figure this out," she said. "You're a wreck over two girls that you aren't even dating."

"I know I just…" I trailed off lost in thought. She was right. I needed to figure this out quickly.

"I think maybe I can help," she said.

"What? Shock therapy?"

She chuckled. I really wish she had a good plan because I was drawing a blank. "Are you in love with Allie?" she asked.

That was a really good question. I had been thinking about that the past couple of days since it happened. I felt like I was getting over her. Except for when I see her or hear her name. It was like someone would tug on my heartstrings a little. Of course, that just sounds like someone who has feelings for someone else. I knew I had feelings for Allie. There was no way not to after being together for almost six months and still spending some time together. I just didn't know if it was still love or not.

Carly waited patiently for my answer. I thought about it for a couple seconds more. "No," I finally answered. "I still have feelings for her, but I'm not in love with her anymore."

She nodded. "Are you in love with Sam?" She asked this time.

"Head over heels in love," I said without any hesitation.

"There's your answer."

I understood what she meant. I had to think about if I was in love with Allie or not. With Sam I just knew I was. "So how do I tell Allie?" I asked.

Carly shrugged. "Honestly," she said.

I nodded. "Yeah, honesty," I groaned.

o0o0o0o

I made a decision not to wait until the dinner to tell Allie. I didn't think it would be fair to have her hope and then bring her back down. It would've been an awkward dinner anyway. I called her about an hour ago to meet me at my apartment. I had been sitting on the couch trying to think of ways to say it to her. How do you tell someone that you don't love them? How can you put them down easy?

I didn't want to hurt her at all. Especially after I used her the way I did. I didn't mean to use her but my heart was broken and she was there; willing and accepting. Allie was such an amazing girl and would be the perfect match for me. As they say though; the heart wants what the heart wants. There was a knock on the door. I took a deep breath to prepare myself and got up from the couch to open the door. Allie was standing there beautiful as ever.

"Hi," she greeted bashfully.

"Hey," I said smiling. "Come on in."

I gestured her inside and she went ahead and sat on the couch. I sat down beside her. "Allie—"

"I know," she interrupted. I looked at her clueless. "I'm not stupid Freddie. I knew it wasn't going to happen. Surprisingly, I'm ok with it. I love you and they say if you love someone set them free right?"

I didn't say anything. I could tell she was holding back some tears. I hugged her tightly, feeling like I've said "sorry" to her way too many times. I'm sure I had reached my quota. She hugged back just as tightly and sighed in content. We pulled away and I pulled a strand of hair out of her face. "You are a remarkable person, Allison Jenkins," I told her honestly.

She shrugged and smiled. "So I've heard," she joked.

I kissed her forehead and hugged her one more time. "I better go," Allie said getting up from the couch. "I hope you get her someday."

"Thanks," I whispered.

She walked to the door and paused before putting her hand on the doorknob. She turned around and I saw a tear fall down her cheek. I sighed angry with myself that I made her feel this way. "Oh, Allie," I said and went over to hug her again.

She started sobbing and just held her tighter. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I wasn't supposed to do this in front of you."

I smiled slightly and kissed her temple. "You should know by now that you don't have to be strong around me," I said. "Allie just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't feel something for you. I still care for you. I always will. You know that, right?"

She nodded and pulled away. "I'll be ok," she promised. "Can I just ask for one thing?"

"Anything."

"Can we share one last kiss, please?"

I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. I wanted to be completely over Allie to try to pursue Sam. Kissing her might've brought back those feelings. I had to give her something though. I couldn't bear to hurt her anymore. I grabbed her close to me and kissed her. I could tell that this was a goodbye kiss, and I know she could feel it too. This kiss was so hard on me too. I knew I was saying goodbye for good. It didn't mean goodbye to just Allie, but goodbye to my safe haven; goodbye to a person I might've had a future with. It was a goodbye to a best friend. It was hard, passionate, and heartbreaking all at the same time.

"Oh, my god," I heard a voice say.

I broke away from the kiss and looked up at the doorway. It was Sam. Crap!

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>Sneak Peek for Chapter 8: iCan't Believe You<strong>_

_Sam left so fast that I didn't even have time to register what had just happened to ask her about it. Did she even notice what she just did? I ran into the house to see if I could catch up with her before she left but she was gone by the time I made it to the living room._

_I smiled. Maybe it was actually working. Maybe it was time to actually tell her exactly how I felt about her._


End file.
